Everything is futile.
Really, it is. There's no point to anything - you never "win", you never get ahead for long. Everytime you manage to do something you think might be "good" or "worth it" it becomes evident that it's all just pointless.
I spend my time thinking up and then solving problems. Why? it's of little use to me and of no use to anyone else. I've started publishing stuff to the public so maybe someone will get some use of it. I don't care if they do.
I don't care any more. I don't think I ever did - or ever seemed to have the capacity to.
You just can't win. You get blamed for shit that's not your fault, but you've no power to fight back - you just have to take it because luck didn't work your way in life. People get to control what you do simply because they did get lucky somewhere.
Luck is just yet another futility - you can't control it, and if you don't get it (or have started off from a place where you're more likely to get it) you're screwed.
I don't want to be part of this any more.